Funny Jokes

[Old Bearkat]

It's always funny.....when it happens to someone else.......

 

[Old Bearkat]

Woman Shot in her own Driveway*

Linda Burnett, 26, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and, while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.


Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.

When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.

Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence.

The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush's fault.

 

[Old Bearkat]

SOmeone posted this on my cube wall.....

 

[Old Bearkat]

What does toilet paper and the starship Enterprise have in common?
Both are flying out past Uranus looking for Klingons.

 

[Old Bearkat]

Q: What did Spock find in the toilet?
A: The Captain’s log.

 

[Old Bearkat]

A set of jumper cables walk into a bar and the bartender says , I’ll serve you but you better not try to start anything

 

[Old Bearkat]

Anyone try this beer yet????

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=p ... zfhUXZyv5k

 

[Blue Bird]

I heard over the news and/or talk show that they only made up 20 of the 99 beer cartons. It sold out quickly and they had to scramble to meet the public demand. Go figure.

 

[westexasflats]

Austin Beerworks : Craft Beer : Brewers Hell-Bent on Excellence
Are you over twenty-one?
YesNo
World-class beer in a can

 

[freeagent]

World's Shortest Books

MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
By Tiger Woods

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
By Jane Fonda, Cindy Sheehan & Michelle Obama
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Foreword by George Soros

MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
By "The Rev Jesse Jackson" & "The Rev Al Sharpton"

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
By Hillary Clinton

Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman

THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
By Al Gore & John Kerry

GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
By Amelia Earhart

HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
By Dr. Jack Kevorkian

TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE
By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
By Mike Tyson

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
By O. J. Simpson & Casey Anthony

HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
By Ted Kennedy

MY BOOK ON MORALS
By Bill Clinton
With introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson
And foreword by Tiger Woods with John Edwards

HOW TO WIN A SUPER BOWL
By The MINNESOTA VIKINGS

AND, JUST ADDED:
My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
By Nancy Pelosi

And the shortest book of them all...
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
By Barack Obama

 

[Old Bearkat]

 

[smokeyjoe53]

If some of the Dallas Cowboys are using Performance Enhancing Drugs, they should demand their money back...........

 

[MelaniB]

They're going for 0 wins this year.

 

[oldfat&bald]

They're going for 0 wins this year.

They'll be dang lucky to do that well.

 

[Old Bearkat]

They're going for 0 wins this year.

I hope so.........

 

[Old Bearkat]

 

[Old Bearkat]

Q How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews.

——————————————

Q: Why did the radical Muslim go to the airport and blow himself up?
A: He wanted to go everywhere.

——————————————

Q: Did you hear the one about the Muslim who won a Nobel Prize in Mathematics?
A: Neither did I.

——————————————

Q: Why do Muslims smell like piss?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

——————————————

 

[Old Bearkat]

 

[Old Bearkat]

 

[Old Bearkat]