I done missed out


Six-man fan
Well, I done missed out on the Richland-Boblillyland-I'manogiefromOglesby scrimmage the uther day. I had to go to my nephew's wedding out in East Texas (yew knowd, he iz the chronic bedwetter that iz my sister/second cousin's first boy). He iz still as fast as all git out. I timed him in a 4.37 forty to the honeymoon suite and that wuz carryin' the gal he done married. Anywayz I missed the scrimmage and can't seem to find out any infermation bout it. How did they look? Who scored the most TDs? Did Mike J. break hiz arm? Did the President give Purple Hearts to them fellers from Oglesby fer jest showin' up? I needs to knowd whut went on. Pleaze hep a feller out.
Dear That 70's show feller (I ain't shure why yew got the 80 behind yur name),

Well, I done appreciate the sentermint, but I need infermation bout the scrimmage.
Oh goob we had a fine old slobbernockin time. I think Richland scored about 83 times, might've been 84 I'll check with donhardin.
Dear Smokey,

Yew do need to knowd that Don Hardin (great-great-great nephew of John Wesley) iz the uncle of none uther that Mike J. Reed. And the godfather of C. J. Salsalito of Rule fame.
Sure missed you Goob, Did you get a chance to spotlight any deer in East Texas or visit any kinfolk in Arkansas since you were so close?
Glad to see you're still alive & kickin!! I was beginning to get worried
about you. Thought maybe you'd fallen into one of those giant cracks
in the ground.