Funny Jokes

[Old Bearkat]

 

[Old Bearkat]

 

[Old Bearkat]

 

[CT6MFL]

Ok so while cruzing amazon today, I ran across a book "You know you went to a Six-man School when...:

Friggin hilarious

An old couch and lazy-boy stationed outside the corner of the end zone count as a luxury suite for devoted fans. Wish I could remember what school this was.

Brown, Calvin B. (2013-11-20). You Know You Went to a Six-Man School When... (Kindle Locations 110-111). Frantically Publishing Company. Kindle Edition.

 

[CT6MFL]

You get dragged to an 11-man game and you take reading material because it’s so boring.

Brown, Calvin B. (2013-11-20). You Know You Went to a Six-Man School When... (Kindle Locations 554-555). Frantically Publishing Company. Kindle Edition.

 

[CowboyP]

Ok so while cruzing amazon today, I ran across a book "You know you went to a Six-man School when...:

Friggin hilarious

An old couch and lazy-boy stationed outside the corner of the end zone count as a luxury suite for devoted fans. Wish I could remember what school this was.

Brown, Calvin B. (2013-11-20). You Know You Went to a Six-Man School When... (Kindle Locations 110-111). Frantically Publishing Company. Kindle Edition.

Check out the facebook page. The name is the same.

 

[CT6MFL]

cool

 

[Old Bearkat]

A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, the lecturer asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Three students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The Middle Eastern Muslim student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Ahmed replied, "Crap, from way back there I thought you said Goats."

 

[Old Bearkat]

I thought it was only us guys who were dumb enough to do this....

 

[Old Bearkat]

Latest lunar landing site closeups able to get photos of the Apollo 17 lunar rover....

 

[freeagent]

Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older:

* Death is the #1 killer in the world.

* Life is sexually-transmitted.

* Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

* Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach that person to fish and they'll spend every Sunday in an old boat wearing a T-shirt full of holes
and drinking beer.
Teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now, the world is weird and people take Prozac
to make it normal.

* Don't worry about old age. It doesn't last that long.

 

[freeagent]

Woman Leaves Shocking Laundry Detergent Review Online:

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what a wonderful product you have! I have used it all my married life, as my Mom told me it was the best!

Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my brand new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started belittling me about how clumsy I had become and generally started being a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my brand new white blouse.

I grabbed my bottle of Tide With Bleach Alternative, and to my surprise, all the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well that the detectives who came by yesterday said that the DNA tests all came back negative and my attorney called to tell me I was no longer a suspect in the disappearance of my husband,

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without having to be a murder suspect. I thank you again for having such a great product.

Well, gotta go. I need to write a thank you letter to the Hefty bag people.

 

[Old Bearkat]

 

[freeagent]

Things that I trust more than Hillary Clinton:

* Mexican tap water
* A rattlesnake with a "pet me" sign
* OJ Simpson showing me his knife collection
* A $12 Rolex from a street vendor in New York
* ISIS
* Pills offered by Bill Cosby
* Michael Jackson's Doctor
* An email offer from a prince in Nigeria
* An Obama Nuclear deal with Iran
* A Palestinian on a motorcycle
* Gas station Sushi
* A Jimmy Carter economic plan
* Brian Williams news reports
* Loch Ness monster sightings
* Prayers for peace from Al Sharpton

 

[Old Bearkat]

 

[freeagent]

Senior Citizens Texting Guide

ATD -- At The Doctors
BFF -- Best Friend Fell
BTW -- Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT -- Bring Your Own Teeth
FWIW -- Forgot Where I Was
FWIWS -- Forgot What I Was Saying
GGPBL -- Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA -- Got Heartburn Again
IMHAO -- Is My Hearing Aid On
LMDO -- Laughing My Dentures Out
MBIOA -- My Back Is Out Again
OMMR -- On My Massage Recliner
OMSG -- Oh My! Sorry, Gas
ROFLACGU -- Rolling On The Floor Laughing And Can't Get Up
SAG -- Still Above Ground
TTYL -- Talk To You Louder
WDYS -- What Did You Say

 

[Old Bearkat]

My Mommy The Dancer..., a real tear jerker

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their mothers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up — teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his mother, he replied, “Well my mother’s an exotic dancer in a cabaret and takes off all her clothes in front of men and they put money in her under-
wear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.”

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Johnny aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your mother?”

No,” the boy said, “She works for the democratic National Committee and is campaigning for Hillary Clinton , but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.”

 

[Old Bearkat]

 

[Old Bearkat]

 

[Old Bearkat]