There was a famous cook from a prominent bakery. He wanted a knife that could slice two loaves of bread perfectly. After six months of searching, he found one in Texas. He knew there had to be one that would cut three loaves of bread. After two years, he found one in China. "Whoopee!' he shouted when he found that it worked. Now he had to have one that would cut four loaves. He searched the world over, and after ten years, he finally found one in Nepal that would cut four loaves of bread at once. He shouted "Eurika! A four loaf cleaver!"
Funny Jokes
- Thread starter mclean88
- Start date
The House of Representatives in Washington DC needed a new auditor for the Democrat side of the House. They decided to give a very popular Democrat a short math quiz in front all House members to make sure he knew his math. He was asked "How much is two and two?" He answered "Four." All of the Democrats in the room jumped to their feet, shouting "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
A preacher had stomach cramps while he was preaching on a Sunday morning. He asked the choir director to take over and headed straight to the restroom which was in choir room directly behind the sanctuary. The choir director started preaching, and suddenly, there all kind of sounds mixed with moaning, splashes, and farts emitting from the sanctuary speakers. The preacher had forgotten to turn off his remote mic.
True Story. I was driving a school bus with around 50 students back to school from the Sandy Lake Band Contest in Carrollton. We were headed back on I-45 to a town in central Texas. Somewhere close to Corsicana, a car full of guys pulled up beside the bus and one of them "mooned" us. I got the make of car, the licence number, the color of the car and the time. This was before cell phones so no pictures or movies were taken, but I thought I had'em dead to rights. Once back at school,I called 911 and asked to be connected with the Hiway Patrol (DPS). I gave the officer the details, but everything came to a screeching halt when he told me I would have to identify the "mooner".
freeagent
Six-man pro
One day an old German shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost..
Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old German shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep stuff now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German shepherd exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes. The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther. The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says... "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs. Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience
Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old German shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep stuff now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German shepherd exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes. The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther. The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says... "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs. Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience
Old Bearkat
Six-man expert
What do you call the BEAUTY QUEEN at a Cattleman's Convention?
Miss Steak
What is a perfect slogan to put on the side of a trash truck?
Business Is Picking Up!
Where do you find Baseball mentioned in the Bible?
The first three words" In the big Inning.
Which old hymn talks about fishing?
On Jordan's stormy banks I stand and cast.
Miss Steak
What is a perfect slogan to put on the side of a trash truck?
Business Is Picking Up!
Where do you find Baseball mentioned in the Bible?
The first three words" In the big Inning.
Which old hymn talks about fishing?
On Jordan's stormy banks I stand and cast.
Old Bearkat
Six-man expert
Old Bearkat
Six-man expert
Old Bearkat
Six-man expert
I'd recommend you coaches looking for jobs not show off this skill in your interview! 
freeagent
Six-man pro
We could just toss a few politicans in the volcano anyway, pandemic or not
Old Bearkat
Six-man expert
Old Bearkat
Six-man expert
Old Bearkat
Six-man expert
Old Bearkat
Six-man expert
Old Bearkat
Six-man expert
