Funny Jokes
- Thread starter mclean88
- Start date
95% of all electric vehicles are still on the road. The remaining 5% made it all the way home.....
freeagent
Six-man pro
Ol' Bearkat ... had to share this one with you.
Oh yeah, ERCOT, the operators of the Texas power grid, expressed their thanks and appreciation to the Dallas Cowboys today for their efforts in saving energy during this cold snap. Hundreds of thousands of Texas turned off their televisions late this afternoon, saving countless numbers of kw hours of power.
Oh yeah, ERCOT, the operators of the Texas power grid, expressed their thanks and appreciation to the Dallas Cowboys today for their efforts in saving energy during this cold snap. Hundreds of thousands of Texas turned off their televisions late this afternoon, saving countless numbers of kw hours of power.
freeagent
Six-man pro
Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation…
"Well“, says the boss, "if I hire you guys, you have to promise to not eat any of our staff.“The cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone and get hired.
Everything is going well for a while, and one day the boss calls them into his office.
“You’re working well and all, but we’re missing an office cleaner. Do you have something to do with that?”
The cannibals swear that they are innocent.
The boss believes them and leaves the office and they all turn to their leader.
“You idiots!”, he screams. “Who ate the cleaner?”
One of the cannibals sheepishly raises his hand.
“You fool!”, shouts the leader. "For weeks we've been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers and human resource staff, and then you go and eat someone they'll actually miss!"
freeagent
Six-man pro
Hey, Funny Jokes is back. Now I can steal them all over again!
freeagent
Six-man pro
Was told this was a true story. A joke and football all in one.
Back in the days of the Soviet Union and Eastern Block countries (70s, 80s), Americans would take tours of those countries. The tours were regulated and there was always some KGB style flunky assigned to the tour to collect any possible information that could be used for the Soviet countries. You'd figure out in a few days who that guy was.
Anyway, there was an executive from the Green Bay Packers on one of these tours. One morning, while in Poland, the executive comes down to breakfast wearing a Packers polo shirt. The KGB flunky was in the lobby and sees the guy from Green Bay and exclaims, "Ah, Green Bay Packers!" The exec was a little surprised and said, "Oh, you've heard of the Packers?" To which the spy guy says, "Da. Socialist Team Owned By The People."
BTW, the Packers just announced their financials for last year (only team that releases that information since stock is publicly-held). They made $98 million dollars last year. I own one share of stock (there are something like 5.2 million shares owned by about 525,000 people; the folks who held stock in sales prior to 1996 (the 20s, 30s, 50s) got a 1000-to-1 split on their original $25 shares; I bought mine in 1996 or 1998, the first of three sales since then at $200 per share). I figure that my EPS is around $18, or a 9% ROI this year. Unfortunately, Packer stock cannot pay dividends, cannot be publicly traded (it can be sold back to the Packers for a few cents per share), etc. Except for voting for the board of directors and getting tickets to the annual meeting of shareholders, there's not much you can do with it except frame it on your wall. Oh, and brag that you are part of the ownership team of an NFL franchise. If you or I tried this deal, we'd be getting room and board complements of the US Government.
Back in the days of the Soviet Union and Eastern Block countries (70s, 80s), Americans would take tours of those countries. The tours were regulated and there was always some KGB style flunky assigned to the tour to collect any possible information that could be used for the Soviet countries. You'd figure out in a few days who that guy was.
Anyway, there was an executive from the Green Bay Packers on one of these tours. One morning, while in Poland, the executive comes down to breakfast wearing a Packers polo shirt. The KGB flunky was in the lobby and sees the guy from Green Bay and exclaims, "Ah, Green Bay Packers!" The exec was a little surprised and said, "Oh, you've heard of the Packers?" To which the spy guy says, "Da. Socialist Team Owned By The People."
BTW, the Packers just announced their financials for last year (only team that releases that information since stock is publicly-held). They made $98 million dollars last year. I own one share of stock (there are something like 5.2 million shares owned by about 525,000 people; the folks who held stock in sales prior to 1996 (the 20s, 30s, 50s) got a 1000-to-1 split on their original $25 shares; I bought mine in 1996 or 1998, the first of three sales since then at $200 per share). I figure that my EPS is around $18, or a 9% ROI this year. Unfortunately, Packer stock cannot pay dividends, cannot be publicly traded (it can be sold back to the Packers for a few cents per share), etc. Except for voting for the board of directors and getting tickets to the annual meeting of shareholders, there's not much you can do with it except frame it on your wall. Oh, and brag that you are part of the ownership team of an NFL franchise. If you or I tried this deal, we'd be getting room and board complements of the US Government.
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