Valentine Day Gift Tips for Slackers

Old Bearkat

Old Bearkat

Six-man expert
From a website I often lurk at......

For those of you who, unlike me, have procrastinated making Valentine’s Day plans and purchasing gifts, here are some tips to celebrating the holiday that have helped me in the past.

» I challenge any women to tell the difference between the See’s Chocolates fresh from the store and the slightly marred ones I salvaged from their dumpster
» When looking for flowers, funeral homes and cemeteries always have the nicest arrangements
» It may seem like a good idea to give housekeeping supplies as a gift, but that is never well received
» Make sure the escort you order is less attractive than your significant other
» While surprises may be exciting, it is sometimes best to talk about things first. Valentine’s Day may not be the best time to unexpectedly bring out the edible clown makeup for the first time
» I have learned through sad experience that, despite rumors to the contrary, conversation hearts are not an aphrodisiac, and they are also a poor substitute for use in either conversation or transplantation
» A Human Centipede marathon is a poor way to get her in the mood
» Reenactments of the St. Valentine’s Day massacre aren’t generally regarded as sexy to most women
» No matter how much they complain about their weight, women are never happy when you give them a gym membership for Valentine’s Day
» Don’t waste your time with jewelry. There is never any in the dumpster behind the store, and the stuff you can steal from grandma’s bedroom is way too tacky
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You give that for a gift you had better read the operater's manual cover to cover. I think that I know who will be running that machine.
 
Guys all of you will end up in the doghouse, This coming from a woman likes flowers, perfume, to dine out. Then the guys Valentines comes after all that has been done for the lady of the house.
 
I keep trying to convince my wife that Valentines day is nothing special. That I don't love her any more on Feb 14 than I do any other day of the year. Obviously, I'm wrong!
 
51eleven":2zcdpllv said:
It's a beautiful day. Take her fishing this evening.
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And if you really want it to be a special, romantic event, bait the hook for her, too!

By the way ... I posted my vacuum cleaner remark on Facebook and some gal chimed in that she really would like one for Valentine's Day ... hers is broken. See, it can work!
 
freeagent":ivfewijz said:
Here's a Valentine's gift suggestion that works ...

Nothing says "I Love You" more than a new vacuum cleaner.
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I wonder if a chainsaw will do? She got a new vacuum for Christmas......
 
Old Bearkat":2endvxqz said:
freeagent":2endvxqz said:
Here's a Valentine's gift suggestion that works ...

Nothing says "I Love You" more than a new vacuum cleaner.
Click to expand...

I wonder if a chainsaw will do? She got a new vacuum for Christmas......
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Get her a new stove and a cookbook. She'll be speachless...
 
CowboyP":3tiu0oyx said:
Old Bearkat":3tiu0oyx said:
freeagent":3tiu0oyx said:
Here's a Valentine's gift suggestion that works ...

Nothing says "I Love You" more than a new vacuum cleaner.
Click to expand...

I wonder if a chainsaw will do? She got a new vacuum for Christmas......
Click to expand...
Get her a new stove and a cookbook. She'll be speachless...
Click to expand...
I prefer to get mine something she might actually use.
 
Guys, I spent about 10 and half hours today delivering flowers for my sister-in-law's flower shop. Holy Cow there is a lot people buying flowers! (I guess there wasn't any funerals locally today.)
 
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