Phase of Life Queation

[rainjacktx]

Received a phone call tonight from my mother. My dad is 73 and still works very hard full time building his own business, He's been running an unexplained fever for the last few days, and today passed out in the office.

My mom and my sister ducked out of the situation, and I have been left with the short end of the stick re - telling my dad it might be time for him to hang it up. The notion of this made me severely upset.

How do you tell the greatest man you've ever seen walk the earth that he no longer needs to take care of anyone while taking care of people has been his reason for living for over 60 years?

Freaking horrible list of things to sleep on tonight.

 

[Knowmystuff]

That's a hard thing to do for sure. Your situation reminds me of a conversation I had recently with someone...there are certain people in life that are like rocks; reliable, dependable, sturdy and can always be leaned on when you (or anyone) need it, now matter what the situation is..I don't know if you have always been the rock in your family, but it seems to me that you've been called on to be that now...good luck!

 

[Goob]

Well, I guess I iz the turd now.

Yew iz a good son jest too be strugglin' with whut to do. Thare ain't no easy way to tell a warhorse that it iz time to take it easy. And yew iz a reel man to take on the task. Whut I think ain't reely worth much, but I think the first thang I wud do iz to go to the doctor with him and if the doctor iz sumbody he trusts let the doctor hep yew in tellin' him it iz time to gear down. The same cuz be true if thare iz a trusted family friend who he trusts and respects.

 

[Old Bearkat]

My sympathies. Dad finally retired several years ago because of his health. At least I was spared the task you have before you. I think Goob has some real good advice. Get your family doctor to help you. And maybe suggest winding it down instead of completely stopping cold turkey. For a man like your dad, doing that would surely be a death sentence too.

 

[Goob]

One uther thang fer yew. And thiz iz a passage that heps me when I iz up gainst it:

2 Cor. 1
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

 

[oldfat&bald]

My sympathies Rainjack. I dread the the day when I have to face that with my dad. Hopefully, the underlying health issue with your dad is pretty minor.

 

[CoachJackson1]

Reminds me of when my wife wanted me to tell her father he could no longer drive. That was not going to happen. Can he not just slow down? Like Momma Jackson always says,"it's just a bump in the road".

 

[smokeyjoe53]

Number 1 find out the cause of the fever. Do not delay. I still remember the day my mom called to tell me that dad was in severe pain and we needed to do something. 24 hours later after several missed diagnosis, we found out it was lymphoma. 3 days after that my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer.
We still have mom with us and relatively active.
No matter what you do, you will probably be viewed as the villain in this situation. I would rather be viewed as the bad guy and still have dad with me than being passive and letting whatever will be, be.
There are many resources and support groups available for the various maladies that assault families, but first you must find out what you are dealing with.
I wish I could offer easy ways out in dealing with this but I have not found any other than relying on faith to sustain you.
Isaiah 41:10 offers this:
"Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."

 

[Old Bearkat]

Number 1 find out the cause of the fever. Do not delay. I still remember the day my mom called to tell me that dad was in severe pain and we needed to do something. 24 hours later after several missed diagnosis, we found out it was lymphoma. 3 days after that my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer.
We still have mom with us and relatively active.
No matter what you do, you will probably be viewed as the villain in this situation. I would rather be viewed as the bad guy and still have dad with me than being passive and letting whatever will be, be.
There are many resources and support groups available for the various maladies that assault families, but first you must find out what you are dealing with.
I wish I could offer easy ways out in dealing with this but I have not found any other than relying on faith to sustain you.
Isaiah 41:10 offers this:
"Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."

And this one....

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for I am the meanest SOB in the valley.

 

[CoachA]

Old Bearkat - They used a different translation back in the day at good ol' First Baptist Church Garden City than we use today.... LOL! (BTW, tell your mom my wife and I miss her and hope she's doing well.)

 

[justobserving]

It is a tough transition. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers 3 or so years ago. The man I knew that was always in charge from his working as a high school student, college football days, military, coaching and education careers became dependent on someone for just the most menial of daily activities.

It fell to me to tell him no more car and a little later that he and mom were going be moved out of their home of almost 40 years and relocated to assisted living. That was hard, very hard.

The child becomes the parent and the parent becomes the child or the independent become dependent.

Here is hoping and praying the physical problems are minor and your transition and responsibilities go well ...

 

[51eleven]

RJ, I've said on here before that I try not to give a lot of advice but a couple of things posted here seem wise. Lingering fever & passing out are cause for concern at any age. The older we, or he, get's the more we should be concerned. Lost my dad at 71. If at all possible go with him to the doctor. If for any reason you think the diagnosis is incorrect or exam not thorough don't hesitate to get a 2nd opinion. My mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at 77 & gone 5 months later.
Buried a brotherinlaw 2 weeks ago that had a "sore throat/ear infection" this past Jan/Feb, he would have been 50, today. Don't mean to sound gloom & doom here but address the medical issue 1st then worry about slowing him down. Last, I think you still have some things to be thankful for and that may be the hardest part to realize. My dad retired but was still quite active, big garden, built a new workshop, etc. In his late 60's one morning he told my mom he needed to go to the back 40 & cut some wood for the coming winter that day. She said "you did yesterday". Ultimately she had to take him & show him the wood he had cut. Doc's said he didn't have Alzhimers but memory loss was the scariest/most frustrating thing for him his last few years. At his age be thankful your dad has a healthy enough mind to run a business. Be thankful he's not in a wheel chair, or a home. But deal with the health issue's ASAP.
Vaya Con Dios (SP?).

 

[freeagent]

One uther thang fer yew. And thiz iz a passage that heps me when I iz up gainst it:

2 Cor. 1
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Forgive me for taking liberties to (1) try and get a few laughs in a difficult situation and (2) question the translation of God's Holy Book, but I sure kinda expected to see a little more down home Goob-friendly translation in Goob's bible ...

My prayers are with you, rainjack, as you deal with this situation. I know the Lord will guide you and your father in the correct path.

 

[Old Bearkat]

Old Bearkat - They used a different translation back in the day at good ol' First Baptist Church Garden City than we use today.... LOL! (BTW, tell your mom my wife and I miss her and hope she's doing well.)

I will. She's doing well, but Dad is not for the last month or so.

 

[wildwood]

Rainjack, my prayers are with you. It is hard to have to be the one to uphold the family. It was not long ago that I lost my Mother, Father and younger brother and brother-in-law in the space of 5 months. Hard to have to shoulder responsiblitilty that my remaining family looked to me to for.