Zephyr.....Interesting article

Coach Ware

11-man fan
http://brownwoodexaminer.com/2014/10/23 ... to-police/

Or you can read it below...


Zepyhr Man Turns Wife in to Police

October 23, 2014
A Zephyr man called police on Thursday afternoon and filed a report that his wife had stolen his manhood. Zephyr police were dispatched to the residence to find the man in the front yard tending to the lawn. The man, identified as 42 year old Patrick Knowle Balls told police that his wife had stolen his manhood some 15 years earlier. Balls told police, “She has beenwhipped making me watch HGTV since we got married, I don’t even remember the tune for Sportscenter anymore.”

The report filled out by ZPD described the man as being “distraught” and “not wearing any pants.” When asked about his pants, Balls told the Examiner, “my wife took those too, she said she’s the only one in the house who needs pants. It’s very embarrassing when family or friends come over.”

Balls further elaborated that his wife makes him do household chores and constantly forces him to watch Grey’s Anatomy with her. “During Grey’s Anatomy commercials I have to dust the furniture, vacuum the rug, get her a drink, etc.” Officers searched the residence for Balls’ manhood, but officers were unable to find any evidence of Balls ever having a manhood. Officer Scottie Gnor reported, “his manhood has been gone so long, I doubt if we will ever find it.” Balls has since been transported to a facility in Mullin for further evaluation, as officers hope the evaluation will provide further details about how his manhood vanished.
 
At first I thought this was an Onion piece.

Then I thought, "Maybe it's real."

Then I thought. "Does Zephyr even have a Police Dept?"

Then I saw this at the bottom....

satire.png
 
From another article on that site....

The community of Brookesmith would like to reprimand Earl Lawson, who lives by the corner right before you get to the old gym, and remind him to put some pants on next time he goes out to check the mail.
 
And another....

Brownwood Police initiated a traffic stop on Center Avenue re a unicyclist towing a teardrop camper at 11:15PM Thursday night. The driver was cited for being a damn fool.
 
This is a pretty amusing site....

Lake Brownwood State Park officers ask that you stop feeding the ground squirrels because they’re become “freeloaders of the highest magnitude” and have begun knocking on the rangers door at 3am asking for cheetos. Officers think this is also a sign that visitors have been giving the ground squirrels marijuana, and an open investigation is expected to yield further results.

The city of Bangs will be transitioning to Metric-only signage, in hopes that drivers will not know any better and see the posted limits as miles per hour. Officers stated that they need to collect as much money as possible to hire a new police chief. Posted limits will be 65 inside the city proper, with limits of 105 to 110 on the outskirts of town.
 
BSCO deputies remind all county residents that shooting their county road markers and yield signs is destruction of public property, an unwise choice, and fun as hell. Officers will be posted around the county awarding good shooters with misdemenor citations.
 
Brownwood Police are celebrating today, because after an average number of 3.53 calls per day since initial construction, today was the first day no officers were dispatched to 1500 Terrace Drive. ” We frankly didn’t think it was possible..” stated former BPD officer Jim Washburn. “Back in the ’80s we were there all the time, and when the time came for a new HQ, we built it as close to Slumset as we could to cut down on travel time.” Officers were planning an ice cream social to commemorate this once in a millennium occurrence, and planned on inviting all local officers who have participated in an agency assist at Sunset Terrace over the years. “The Day Hell Froze Over” celebrations were short lived, however, as the gallon of sherbert officers planned to eat was stolen. Scanner traffic indicated the suspect was seen heading towards Sunset Terrace.
 
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