Jack Bauer vs. Chuck Norris

Gotta stick with Chuck. Bauer saves D.C., Chuck save Texas, no contest. Hey have you read those "Chuck Norris is so Bad-azz that..." websites? They have some pretty funny stuff on there. I'd tell you, but I hear it all second hand.
I'm sorry, I dont know who Jack Bauer is, but I do know a few facts about Chuck Norris.<P>When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.<P>Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.<P>There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.<P>Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.<P>Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.<P>Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.<P>Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.<P>If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. FOREVER.<P>Chuck Norris can divide by zero.<P>Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.<P>Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.<P>According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.<P>Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
When Chuck Norris goes swimming he does not get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised.<P>If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you are 2 seconds away from death.<P>The grass is not always greener on the other side. It is red with the blood of Chuck Norris's victims.<P>I vote Chuck Norris. I mean Sutherland has to have a different name, Chuck Norris is just Chuck Norris.
The 2007 budget for the U.S. Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.<P>Chuck Norris wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
The Earth spins because Chuck Norris walks on it. The force from his footsteps are enough to rotate the Earth on its axis.<P>Trains stop at a Chuck Norris crossing.<P>Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.<P>Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light on. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris<P>There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
A blind man was walking down the street and accidentally stepped on Chuck Norris' toes. Chuck Norris said "HEY!" at the sound of Chuck Norris' voice the man could instantly see. Too bad the first and last thing the guy ever saw was a roundhouse kick to the face.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.<P>No Kiefer Sutherland. Jack Bauer.
Jack needs guns, Chuck just uses his body for a weapon. In an all out no weapons allowed fight it would be Chuck all the way.<BR>I love the clever answers. This is pretty entertaining stuff to ease my anxiousness about tonights and tomorrows games. Hard to get distracted sitting on the edge of my seat but yall are doing a pretty good job.<BR>Thanks! :eek:
When Chuck Norris files his taxes, he sends in a blank return and a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes. <P>This year, however, the IRS sent him back a picture of Jack Bauer wearing his dark sunglasses. The next day, Chuck Norris pled guilty to multiple counts of tax evasion.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ABNBULLDOG:<BR><STRONG>Didn't Chuck Norris do a Lee movie once?</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Return of the Dragon or Way of the Dragon. Either way, Norris was the bad guy and Lee beat him down.