<BLOCKQUOTE><font>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Johnny Boy:<BR><STRONG>there's two muffins sittin in a oven....one muffin looks at the other one and says "man...it's pretty hot in here huh?"...the other one, terrified, says "GOOD GOD IT'S A TALKIN MUFFIN!!!"<P>lol...i love that one</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>lol i love that 1 2!!! like OMG thats funny i think thats gonna have to go on my msn name!!! lol hehe!!!!<P> :) :) :D

Listening to Goob and all the good ol' boys yakking about hunting and fishing reminded me about a few jokes I have on this topic.....

Stopping to ask directions at a house at dinnertime, I was invited in to eat with the family. When I asked what they were having, I was told southern fried possum.

I suddenly remembered that I wasn't hungry, but replied that I had always heard opossum tasted just like chicken.

The cook told me it should because it ate 13 of her chickens before ending up in the frying pan.

A 110-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.

"I've never felt better," he replies. I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "Let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season but one day he's in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him. He raises his umbrella, points it at the beaver, squeezes the handle, and BAM! the beaver drops dead in front of him."

That's impossible," said the old man in disbelief, "someone else must have shot that beaver!"

"Exactly", said the doctor.

OVER-SENSITIVE WOMEN

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Bob. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Debbie. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Debbie to get a full-time job along with her part time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when shegets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Debbie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.....

Signed, Bob

EDITOR'S NOTE: Bob died suddenly on March 7th. The police report says that he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club rammed up his backside, with only 2 inches of grip showing. His wife Debbie was arrested and charged with murder; however, the all-woman jury found her NOT GUILTY, accepting her defense that he accidentally sat down on it...

For Hamburger Hill,
General must muster his men:
So, he mustard them.

Chicken sandwich anyone????

This one is for Lifegate!! Got it off Free Republic today....

The NFL announced today that for financial reasons, they had to eliminate one team from the league. So they've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, causing many layoffs but saving millions of dollars in costs.

They will be known as the TAMPACKS. Unfortunately, they're only good for one period and have no second string

Three men are sitting on a bench, a native american, a texan and a muslim.

The native american sighs and says “my people were once many, but now they are few.â€

Only in Texas my friends.... Only in Texas .... Too bad.....

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston, Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says," License and registration, please."

"What for?" says the lawyer.

The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

"You still didn't come to a complete stop", Says the deputy. "License and registration, please."

The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

"The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy says.

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving poop out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

That one is great. But officers don't ask for registration in Texas. They ask for insurance.

My dad always tells that joke about my older brother who ran a stop sign (which is now a yield sign) a block away from his house and got a ticket.

About the license and registration not being asked in Texas, I got stopped in Louisiana (and searched for drugs) and the guy asked for my registration.

While we're on the subject of stop signs, when my brother lived in South Carolina, a cop stopped him and said he didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign. The cop said "all four wheels must be at a complete stop." True story.