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smokeyjoe53 wrote:Here's a short one.............. UT football program............
Old Bearkat wrote:smokeyjoe53 wrote:Here's a short one.............. UT football program............
That's a major league joke this year. Makes me mumble when folks ask me where I went to college at.....
One day out on the golf course, a golfer accidentally overturned his golf cart.
A very attractive woman, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise, came out onto her balcony and called out to him, "Hey, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, thanks," he replied.
"You look frazzled," the woman said. "Come up to my villa for a drink and I will help you get the cart up afterwards."
"That's mighty nice of you," he answered, "but I don't think my wife would like that."
"Oh, come on," the woman, a gorgeous brunette in a sexy bikini, insisted. "I can see you've cut your head. It could be serious. Let me take care of that right away. I'm a nurse."
She was very persuasive....and he was weak.
"Well okay," he agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After she bandaged his wound, she gave him a most welcome brandy. They talked a little about golf and he discovered she was an avid golfer with a four handicap. When he confessed to a weakness in his putting, she gave him a putting lesson holding him close and intimately as she did so.
Finally he confessed, "I feel a lot better now, but I had better get going. I know my wife is going to be really upset with me being here with you."
"Don't be silly!" the woman said with a smile, "she won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Under the cart," he replied
Got my gun permit yesterday, then went over to the local gun shop to get a small 9mm for home protection.
When I was ready to pay by credit card for the gun and bullets, the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.”
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader.
I’ve been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer.
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says ‘Your Eminence’.”
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well ...?”
She proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38” DD bust, 24” waist and 34” hips. When she walks into a room, everybody says, “Oh My God.”
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